10 things I've learnt as a Mum, the second time round
Being a mum changed my whole life around. Every aspect of my life changed completely. Forever.
I will always remember the absolute joy, disbelief, love and wonder I felt looking down at the tiny human in my arms.
Watching him grow and learn everything around him, explore the outside with me and share my adventures, are the memories I will always treasure.
As a mum, we don't always get things right. Parenting is hard. The days are long.
Add in the complete and utter lack of sleep, lack of a village, house work, going back to work, staying active, drinking enough water, making sure everyone else has had enough water, cooking, meal prepping, food shopping, seeing friends and family, having a hobby and trying to make each day count is exhausting!
And then it gets even harder with another baby.
Looking back at my time as a mum of one, there are times when I'm like, really, I didn't leave the house til 3pm some days, why was I so tired?
The second time around, wow! Things are so different. I am definitely more relaxed, and try to be more present in the moment, but the early days were hard!
It was the lack of sleep that hit the worst. The nights were awful in that first week. Still awful in the 2nd. And 3rd and 4th.
Now I'm not saying this to scare you or put you off, but just to be honest.
The sleep for us, didn't get better until my little one was 3 and a half months, but again, this is different for everyone.
The second time around, there are a few phrases that you hear more and more, and they do kind of make sense, such as:
Everything is just a phase, the good and the bad, you can and will get through it
The days are long but the years are short
Sleep when the baby sleeps (might be helpful the first time round, absolutely not the second time! )
10 things I’ve learnt:
So here are some things I've learnt the second time around :
I need and crave time outside, being outside, whether it’s in the garden, a park, a local walk or hiking with my kids, it makes me calmer, more relaxed and I feel better about myself. Meaning that I can be the mum and parent I want to be. However, it’s not always easy. There has been days where it's an absolute breeze, the weather is beautiful, the route is easy and it makes me feel so refreshed and energised after. But there also has been days where we've all been crying in the car and I’ve just driven home
Do not be afraid to set boundaries with family, friends or anyone you need to - I have never been a fan of people kissing newborns, especially if you're not the parents, and this was something I had to make clear, even the second time round!
Do not be afraid to ask for the help you want and need - with my first, family would come round to see the baby and want cuddles and pictures with the baby, that's lovely and great but absolutely zero help to me. The second time round, I asked for the help I needed, the hoovering, cooking meals, (yes can I have a coffee please!), take the toddler to the park while me and the baby sleep
I'm way more relaxed about everything, from breastfeeding to keeping my patience, how many layers to put my baby in, to knowing why they cry and what it means. I’ve definitely Googled a lot less!
Pick your battles. With your other kids, your partner, family members. Some things actually don't matter and will be ok
I really like completing a task! Whether it is the washing up, putting the washing out, doing admin or cooking a meal, I really feel like I've achieved something if I've completed tasks through the day, no matter how small. But this is also extremely difficult to do with two small children!
Sleep deprivation is hard! The lack of sleep will affect you in many ways, but somehow, you get through it. You get up each day and give it your best
Not everyone is going to be on the same page as you, when it comes to your way of parenting, looking after your kids or what you want as a mum. Unfortunately this may be close family members or friends and it is hard, this has been something I'm still figuring out myself and probably will always do as a parent
Get a hobby! Anything, something. Having something that you enjoy and is yours will help you to feel more like yourself and have some time to feel good. For me, that hobby is hiking and I'm grateful I can bring my kids along with me, but some days are a real challenge! Exercise and baking have always been things I enjoy doing too, so I try my best to incorporate those into my week as well
You are so much stronger than you think. Seriously, being a mum has changed how I look at myself and I am so grateful for the challenge and privilege of being a mum
I hope this insight into my experience as a mum can help you and at least reassure you that you're not alone, whatever you are feeling or going through.
Happy walking!